It is really hard to start writing again after this overly extended break. I keep thinking, what will I write about, and I come up blank. I figure if I just get started, maybe things will flow again.
My daughter turns six tomorrow. It has been wonderful to watch her today, to enjoy her last moments as a five year old, to remember her imminent arrival six years ago.
She is a special girl in so many ways. She is generally unapproachable in public, but then she has these moments of great affection that she bestows upon others, sometimes loved ones, other times, mere strangers (to her), that take my breath away with her sweetness. Her social responses are unpredictable, and I’ve learned not to worry overmuch about her refusal to engage at times because I know that there is more to her than those cold-shoulder moments reveal.
She is a stubborn, passionate girl, with a delightfully infectious giggle when she is amused. Her screams when not accommodated, though, are legendary and know no bounds. Even the boys’ baseball games seemed to pause in the event of one of her terrific tantrums, suspecting a serious infraction or injury to have occurred. After nearly weekly occurrences, everyone knew who she was, who her parents were (oh, the pride!), and not to be alarmed.
At the heart of this girl, though, is a servant. She loves to serve others in her family, to help me in the kitchen whenever she can, to encourage those who are down. She is a doer and is eager to work, for others especially. When her brothers were sick, she took on their weekend jobs with pride and gusto, performing them as well as a five year old can. Even her favorite songs reflect her personality, like Matthew West’s Time for Us to Do Something.
I worry about this changeable girl, that she will be drawn away by her passions and her stubbornness, and her desire to please. She is not forthcoming with her feelings, so I hope to see into her heart as she grows older, to intuit her emotions, to find the keys to help unlock her heart when she closes it hard against us.
I held her close today, and repeated how much I love her, how thankful I am for the years God has given me with her, how beautiful she is to me. She is our Autumn Joy, and she will be six in just a few short hours. Thank you, Lord, for giving me a daughter when I needed one. I place her again in Your hands to guide and guard and love more perfectly than I ever will. Help me to be a good example to her of a godly woman that she will desire to emulate in her love and service for You. Amen.